Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    Ask Questions Here Please

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    mmh123456789

    Posts : 1
    Join date : 2016-12-14

    Re: Ask Questions Here Please

    Post by mmh123456789 on Wed Dec 14, 2016 11:36 pm

    New to the forum, so if I don't land this in the right spot let me know.

    I've been searching for CPTSD therapists and I'm coming up with nothin'. Does anyone "know a guy/gal"? I'm trying to do my own research and diagnosing but I'm not sure I should be trusted with all of that. Lol!
    I've done as much work on my own as I can and I'm looking for help with diagnosis. If I've got it I'll continue my work. If not, I need to figure out what I do have and work on that. Please advise, thx.

    89abc123

    Posts : 7
    Join date : 2016-04-03

    Re: Ask Questions Here Please

    Post by 89abc123 on Thu Dec 15, 2016 4:15 am

    What happens when there are 2 narc parents with two children who are both treating the opposite children as golden child/scapegoat. Is it common for narc parents to choose the opposite child than their partner just to spite them. Will both children get npd eventually because of the two separate messages they are receiving or will they just grow up to only love the parent that likes them.


    Larsen.erin93

    Posts : 3
    Join date : 2016-12-16

    Coaching sessions

    Post by Larsen.erin93 on Fri Dec 16, 2016 1:05 am

    PLEASE let me know when you will resume your Skype coaching sessions.

    On route to liberation

    Posts : 1
    Join date : 2016-12-19

    Meet up with Narc ex a good thing/bad thing

    Post by On route to liberation on Mon Dec 19, 2016 12:57 pm

    Dear Richard,

    I would first like to thank you for all the information you have uncovered in relation to the topics of Cluster B, Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and cptsd.

    I have what I hope is a simple question I appreciate your view on; My (what I perceive to be narc ex) wants to meet to discuss the 'hostility and unresolved issues' between us. I have told her I feel this is a bad idea for both of us and in a purely selfish point of view feel it would be an opportunity for her to blame me for all her problems and abuse me again. Am I correct in this way of thinking?

    Please find the below as background:-

    I first met the said girl when she moved into my office of work and was pursued with vigor which of course I found very flattering. This was initially odd as those who knew her before described her as lesbian (however she describes herself as bi-sexual, one wonders if this should be a red flag for narc supply). I initially attempted to set strong boundaries but found myself very quickly falling for this girl. In reflection there were red flags along the way but my good old co-dependent traits came back to haunt me. This included her showing me on the first date a facebook message from an an-ominous person slating her and effectively calling her a fake.

    Having said the above the first couple of months were amassing, I was lulled into thinking I had met someone who genuinely understood me for who I was and wanted to be with me for the way I am, another co-dependent? I thought. Of course the sex was great which added to this connection. After 2 months she had to move back into her parents house whilst she was looking for a place closer to our office of work. Here I was wary as I got the impression that her mother was highly cluster b as she had abandoned the girl right after birth to pursue her career, her father had left before she was born. This meant she was raised by her grandparents for her formative years whilst the mother found a suitable husband to settle with.

    My ex went from happy, loving and apparently caring to a depressed abusive nightmare where I was seemingly unable to make her happy in any way possible. Of course the sex stopped which caused me to feel sexually rejected but added to this was her attempts to break the reality of who I was. I went from a confident high work performing individual to a shell of a person who was unable to clean my flat for instance. I was told that everyone thought I was arrogant and I was the one who was causing her to be depressed. She openly flirted with other men in front of me but by this time all my boundaries, if there were there in the first place had been broken down. This made me feel so small and I will always remember shaking whilst laying next to her after another sexual rejection. She finally split with me after ringing me at 4.30 am in the morning to say she couldn't do it any more.

    Initially I felt a modicum of relief from the break-up but it was whilst sitting at my desk one day I realised that I wanted to cry but couldn't and then one evening when it was only the two of us in the office I had a huge adrenaline spike which almost made me run out of the office. I have noticed over the last 2 months of separation that she seemed to get over the relationship very quickly (no genuine empathy, vulnerability or connection as you have recently commented in one of your videos) whilst I just felt a numbness never before experienced.

    I am very lucky in that I have a great relationship with my management and it was the department head to asked me one day if I was ok? I let it all out and explained how I had felt abused by this individual and the managers in my office have been very supportive to me in this situation. I have deliberately not interacted with ex in any way but the pain of seeing her every day has brought constant flash-backing and although I feel I have not performed to my usual standards recently but feelmI have managed to keep it together well. I now know the girl is being moved on from the department which is a crumb of comfort but I feel sad that the whole relationship went this way.

    It is so tough to tell yourself you fell for something which wasn't real and that you confuse love and abuse. I have started reading Pete Walkers book under your recommendation, although I don't know if it is a miss print but the copy I obtained is back to front (gaslighting to the extreme lol). I realise that I have a lot of work to do to recover from this situation but feel somewhat excited as this is an opportunity to grow and maybe I have more potential to succeed in life to get to where my career and life ambitions want to take me.

    I would apologise for the length of text but know that I would be being co-dependent (we are all learning) in doing so, however I must reiterate again that you have been invaluable in me starting my recovery process and like alot of other people owe you a gratitude.

    Thank you for your kindness, help and empathy,

    James

    ChanandlerBong

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2016-12-28

    What's the next step? after realising I have C-PTSD

    Post by ChanandlerBong on Wed Dec 28, 2016 6:03 pm

    I apologise if this isn't the right place for this question, I searched through all forums to see if this had been asked/covered.

    Richard, thank you for validating so many of my experiences, I realise now I'm not oversensitive or crazy. I'm sure you understand how reassuring this is. I stumbled across your YouTube channel a few weeks back, initially NPD videos.

    I've come to realise, yes my ex was a narcisisst, and I also think I have C-PTSD, I was neglected in childhood (mum was diagnosed schizoaffective, in and out of psych units, dad worked irregular hours as a prison officer and couldn't change plans too much to help his kids in the way he thought we were more independent and capable than we were, he was diagnosed with PTSD following suicides at work. He was angry and would snap (not violently) at my mum for not tidying or anything (her meds and illness to blame). They were both alcoholics, spent all their time in the pub. Things did improve, their mental health did improve and things changed. But for a long long time there were feelings of abandonment. I remember begging my mum not to go out to the pub sometimes, and occasionally she'd stay and spend time with me and it felt so magical and I felt so loved.

    There's some other crap in there, but mainly that in childhood and my ex seem to affect me. For instance, my boyfriend literally just jokingly said "calm down babe" in a cheesy tone, just joking about (because I get excited, ie. our kitten was being cute and I got carried away. I know he loves seeing my adoration for our cats and cute things, I know it was a joke. He is NOTHING like my ex, but hearing that, even though I 100% know the context, I still reacted wrong, and it affects him. Every time I have an emotional flashback, he feels like a monster, he's so apologetic and sorry and genuine, but I fear he'll get bored of me, it won't be just comforting his girlfriend, he'll leave.

    My real question is with this knowledge, what do I do? A few months ago I went to my GP about this feeling, before any research, and I told her my ex was abusive and it still affects me today. I told this to her briefly in the last 5 mins of an appointment. She referred me to a service, a wellbeing service, I attended the first session in a uni exam type hall of about 50 people. Learnt it was group, with some smaller groups and 1-1 CBT, and I'd tried CBT before for depression and anxiety and found it very patronising. But I saw a glimmer of hope in this session, but the large group was too much for me, I was referred to a particular course, stress control, which again would be a large group, I tried to go once but managed to get to the end of my road and turned back as I was too nervous. I took a self referral list of contacts of counselling services from this initial meeting too, and I've tried to book an initial appointment/interview/introduction whatever it's called.

    But what do I do?

    What are the differences between different terms for talk therapy, counsellors, therapists, who can diagnose? do they talk back? can some counsellors just talk and not give any of their own input in? can I go to my GP and say I think have C-PTSD and be taken seriously, not assumed to be a drama queen or liar, as I so often have been. Very luckily, recently my ex's fianceé contacted me asking about him, said she's leaving, it was incredibly validating for me and her to have his behaviour confirmed as real not us being crazy, and to know she's getting out too. I also am very aware that I don't want to do a doctor's job, they're objective and trained, I am not, but I know this reality.

    I live in Norfolk in the UK, do you have anyone you recommend? or know? any qualifications or approaches to counselling or talk therapies should I look for? which charitable services (donations provided) are the best for this? can I just talk to my GP? I am really scared about being diagnosed wrong (BPD? I understand it's definitely misunderstood, I have close friends with it, but I know this isn't me, but you talk about the frequency of misdiagnosis). Or just being made out to be dramatic or oversensitive.

    I want to get past this, for me, for my partner, for the future I can see with him, I don't want to be, I can't be a parent till I work this stuff out, I mean I'm in no rush to have kids, but this partner has made me realise I can be loved, and there are good people, and my baby fear has gone, the idea of babies and marriage isn't terrifying. I know things could change and we might go our separate ways, but removing that fear was huge for me, I'm scared of making another kid like me. I want a future, not this being stuck in the past.

    Thanks, sorry for the bombardment of questions.

    swissalps16

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2016-10-06

    Re: Ask Questions Here Please

    Post by swissalps16 on Thu Dec 29, 2016 2:51 pm

    Hey Richard,

    I know this has been mentioned in various ways through some of your videos, but do you think it would be possible to specifically address the concept of 'learn helplessness' in a new video? Based on things you've said and material I've read from people like Pete Walker, it appears as if this is a very serious/central issue that affects a huge number of CPTSD sufferers, particularly those who lean towards the fawn and freeze ends of responding since they were often the most stripped of self-protection and self-sufficiency tools as young children. I recall you mentioning that borderline mothers often emotionally hobble their children to keep them restricted and infantilized so that they can't grow up and leave the house. Do you think you could just add to some of these ideas and offer advice for channel followers who may be dealing with this problem, especially some of the younger viewers. Pete Walker, and others, have described how angering work can accomplish a lot in reducing the feeling of helplessness that is so common in flashbacks. Do you think many CPTSD victims raised by NPD + BPD parents often develop an internal dialogue that tells them they're more helpless than they really are, and that the world is scarier than it really is?

    thanks

    ChanandlerBong

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2016-12-28

    Re: Ask Questions Here Please

    Post by ChanandlerBong on Mon Jan 02, 2017 2:40 pm

    I second swissalps16 question please, swissalps16 your comment seemed very familar to me, my parents weren't NPD/BPD though, schizoaffective disorder and PTSD so I don't know if that factored or just factored in a different way, it's certainly relevant due to the way they both were with emotion, alcohol and neglect. Not their fault at all, I realised this when I was older so I think it helped me heal some degree, but the roots were still there. But my mum did baby my brother and I. But I certainly lean towards fawn and freeze, was totally stripped of self protection and self suffiency tools too. Thanks for your comment, it was very validating, I'm only recently aware of all this, I hope there's a video made or there's some way you can get help for this Smile

    I guess this will help quite a lot, though many questions will do. Thank you Mark

    Pigletburger

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2017-01-06

    Re: Ask Questions Here Please

    Post by Pigletburger on Mon Jan 09, 2017 3:14 am

    I am aware of some of the implications here but I am entirely desperate for answers. In early December I began to realize my 26 year old son had been abusing me for a long time. He is soft spoken and has never called me a name. He is extremely sensitive, which may be why it took me a long time to see that his tone of voice and his constant soft denigrating of me and my decisions was abuse.

    Then in 2015 we lost a friend to mental illness and suicide and after that my son began gaslighting me. He would often tell me he had already told me something or if I pointed something out he would say yeah, I already said something about that the other day.

    For a few months when responding to me he would turn his face down and away from me and speak softly when answering. I would ask him to repeat himself and he would answer "Are you having trouble hearing?" His behavior continued and his comments became "You must be getting old, since you can't hear anymore". It was a wierd time that ended when I told him that my hearing was excellent and if he wanted to communicate with me it was his responsibility to ensure that I heard him otherwise I would be sure he was trying to not have me hear him and I would ignore him. And the behavior stopped completely.

    I do not know if he is a covert N or not but I heard you say in the London Seminar that these guys become hardwired by 30 so thats terrifying. I am definately an empath and doormat I now realize, but I did not abuse him and there were consequences for behaviors as a child. I did raise him alone because his father bowed out when he heard the heartbeat inutero. Big covert N I now realize. But he has never even met my son.

    I am aware I must work on myself and I am and I plan to continue. But I have not been able to find anything about our situation. And since I
    started working on this issue I sent my son an email telling him I was working on my boundaries and asking for his support. He had an immediate overreaction via phone and email, telling me he knew I was up set and now I had upset hm and he didn't know why and calling me passive aggressive and asking me to call.

    He is used to my responding to him immediately and I did not. The next day I sent an email saying I was not upset at all, I was good. I was not happy with our relationship and I was getting some help with that. I asked for his cooperation and support. That was December 19 and he has not replied although I emailed twice more simply asking for his support. I also sent an email on Christmas Day since we had spent every Christmas since his birth together, again no reply.

    And I am dealing with my flashbacks surrounding abandonment. I have a lot of goopy history with my father's suicide when I was 8 and I was left with my Mother who I believe is autistic based on her behavior, and my golden brother.

    So now I am left with wondering what happened to my son? I'm hopeful he is not fully N., but even so he is perhaps erasing me and portraying me as the abusive party, and still I am his Mom and I feel desperate to find a way to motivate him to get help quickly while there is time. And I know we are not supposed to have contact with an N, but this is my Son, this must be my fault, my responsibility.

    I am working on myself. I do get that part. And I'm really feeling torn to pieces by all of this and I am desperate to have some idea where this goes. I want to have a good relationship with my son and myself.

    Larsen.erin93

    Posts : 3
    Join date : 2016-12-16

    PLEASE HELP!

    Post by Larsen.erin93 on Tue Jan 17, 2017 7:44 pm

    I kind of think my mom is a covert narcissist but with recent events I think it may be more sinister. Example..when I was younger she would catch me self mutilating myself, stand over me watching & mock me. Saying things like "stop over reacting, stop trying to get attention, stop letting your emotions control your life" while my blood was literally spilling on the floor combined with my own snot / tears. My little sister (age 17) was hyper ventilating in the corner lastnight crying saying she just wanted to kill herself. My mom watched her & said the same things she told me while rolling her eyes in annoyance. (I have broken contact with my mom for a year now) what the fuck is wrong with her? I don't think narcissist is enough to describe her anymore. I don't know what's wrong with her. Who the fuck would do that to their kids? Please help. I've watched all your videos, they're phenomenal but never dark enough. I really hope you can answer this. I hope it makes sense..my sister is safe btw she moved in with her dad but I know my mom will come for her.

    Girl from Poland

    Posts : 1
    Join date : 2017-01-18
    Age : 27
    Location : Poland

    questions

    Post by Girl from Poland Yesterday at 4:31 pm

    Hi Richard

    I,m little bit confused. I perfectly understand what You're saying on You Tube channel but there's some questions that constantly popping out.

    1. If narcisist or co-dependent ect. leave someone when they don't feed their needs... how this is any different than normal love and romantic relationships? For example: if someone cut You off his/hers love You'll find it elswhere (after some time). Ofcorse it will be some trying to get back the love of your partner. And this is exactly the same as You speak about narcisist and their prey. They'll push You and suddenly stop and wait for You to come, they know You would come. Love is a drug-like feeling and narcisists use very similar thing.

    2. What is concept of healthy love? What it is supposed to look like (not from the outside but from inside view). What are the healthy values that people looking for in relationships?

    3. How can I tell if I'm damaged at some point and how bad? You talk on YouTube that some guy (narcisist) told his girlfriend for years that she is the one with the problem. Can I somehow check if I'm the problem or someone... or someone was the troublemaker for me (childhood) and now I'm toxic. I dont want to be but it seems to be things that I don't see and it affects my relationship (that's why I dont know who is the toxic one or we are both wounded... and toxic (?)).

    4. If I'm toxic somehow how can I monitoring my behavior and make sure that I'm not hurting people around me? I obviously don't see this, if I were I'would stop or try doing the opposite.


    I'm confused because it seem (to me) to be no relationships or love at all if people are mentally healthy. Why? Because if they were their wont have any needs iside them that other person could fill so why be with someone at all? I'm not talking about deep needs like "you must fill my day because I cant" but light ones like "share a day or moment with someone".

    I'm not teasing with You. I trying very hard to understand all Your teaching but there is things like this that I simply don't understand. Maybe I'm som sort of co-dependent too and I have a blind spot for understanding this. So please help me see the point.

    PS: I'm waiting to see a psychologist ot first time with my own will. Earlier (when I was 15) parents send me to a bunch of shitty therapist ect because they want to know what is wrong with me (and I don't think there was anything at the time). Now I'm 27 and I'm realy scared that I'll go to another shitty therapist and it will make more demage than good.
    So please let me know if somewhere in the future will be a chance to talk to You. Tell me what costs I have to consider. I'm desperate to change something or just stop everything at all (I live 15 years with this neverending, scary darkness).


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