Hello Richard, I have a question for you, thank you! I love your videos, and your video with Dana was really helpfull. I ended up on your fb (for the memes) and found about this forum.
What kind of therapy do you suggest to move on after the break-up with a narcissist?
I have been with my ex since I was 14 (27 now), we broke up 1.5 year ago. He traded me for his new gf right after he was done with me and squized everthing out of me (He even made me pay for his airplane ticket, his gf is living abroad, he told me he was going on holiday and I should let allow him to go travel alone). It took me months after that to realize I was in an abusive relationship all the time, after i've read something about narcissism and recognized everything. During our relationship I blamed myself for al his actions and I was just blind all the time. I kept believing he would change, I was just too afraid to lose him. I had to deal with so many stuff he did to me (cheating, lying, stealing my money, gaslighting, not giving me any love etc). I lowerd my bounderies, pushed away painful things that happenend to the point I would just forget about them. It was my way to survive in the relationship, because losing him was no option for me. (Yes I was stupid to think that) After the break-up I just went on going, even I was heartbroken, I graduated from university, moved to a total new city for my new job where I knew no-one.. I kept telling myself I was ok and that at some point he would come to me to apologize. After I've learned about narcissism I realized that would not happen. A couple of months ago I realized I wasn't ok, I hadn't dealt with anything that happenend.
I became more and more sad, the confusion made me crazy, I would keep reminding stuff and started to doubt every part of my relationship. He still tries to gaslight me (only email contact because of money he owes me) I'm seeing a therapist right now (cognitive therapy.)
He keeps telling me to let it go, that I should not read too much about narcissism, because I am making it about my ex and I should stop doing that and make it about me.. I just don't know HOW I can let it go.. Memories are coming back, I still haven't dealt with it, there is so much anger and pain I cannot express. How can I just let it go? I know I am already out of this relationship for 1,5 year and I should be over it. But I feel lost and not understand. I feel the need to go through everything, let it all go out. There are so many pieces of the puzzle missing and memories keep popping up during the most random moments, things I forgot about for years. In the mean time I try to live my life as good as possible, working fulltime, going to the gym, losing the weight that I have to lose. But it also feel like digging my head into the sand, and waiting for another break down.
Is there any other kind of therapy you can suggest? And what is your opinion about it? Is my therapist right?
Thank you so much!