Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    Help with going NC with elderly parents

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    Blackdogs

    Posts : 1
    Join date : 2016-01-12

    Help with going NC with elderly parents

    Post by Blackdogs on Tue Jan 12, 2016 9:52 pm

    I discovered Spartan videos and courses recently that confirmed my going NC with my Cluster B sister years ago was exactly the right thing to do! Now it's time to explore NC with my parents. Luckily they live in an assisted living facility so all of their daily and medical needs are taken care of for the rest of their lives. I was all ready to hire Richard but see that he can't offer 1:1 coaching any longer. Anyone have an online coach they could recommend to help me with this?

    BuilderOfCastles

    Posts : 9
    Join date : 2016-05-16

    Re: Help with going NC with elderly parents

    Post by BuilderOfCastles on Mon May 16, 2016 7:29 pm

    Good day Blackdogs

    On finding a coach/councillor you just have to go out and interview them.
    Do you understand cPTSD?
    Do you understand narcissism?

    And then you have to learn what a yes-but-no answer sounds like.
    i.e. If they don't sound like Mr Grannon when you ask them about cPTSD
    then they are probably just giving you a blah answer that those in the
    industry all agree upon.

    Once you sifted through the answers, and have found someone you feel
    a good connection to, start counselling.


    Now about going NC with your parents:

    I took care of my mother until she died of cancer.
    She is lucky she died when she did, because
    shortly after, I had a long conversation with one of my sisters.
    The one that got away, and ran far far away.
    The things she told me that my mother did to her, had me
    so angry I would have taken a baseball bat to my mother.

    And now, I cannot remember the details of that conversation to save my life.
    I remember having the conversation, and my feelings, and my reactions.
    But, all the abuses that were brought up, sank back below the sea.


    What I am trying to point out is that your NPD parents do not care about you.
    Your putting yourself out to go visit them, or phone them, means nothing to them.
    It is only your guilt for not living up to being a "good person" that is holding you
    back from just walking away.

    You want to be the good person, you want to do the morally right thing.

    But, imagine this.  You keep in good contact with your parents, and make sure
    all is right with them.  Then, a few years after their deaths, you talk with someone
    (like a minister) in your community, and he berates you for not taking good care
    of your parents.

    You see, what you do has no bearing on what your parents will tell others of you.
    And, if you are already the black sheep, you are forever tarred and feathered by
    all who have talked to your parents.

    I am sorry, you are in a no win scenario.
    There is no way to be a "good person"
    So, give up on that notion, grieve its loss.  Then make decisions for YOUR FUTURE.

    Be well

    BuilderOfCastles  ^_^

      Current date/time is Mon Mar 27, 2017 11:48 am