I am a 45 year old ex RN, and I am happily married with 3 young kids (14, 8 and 4).
I have been doing work on myself for many years with various psychologists begining in my early 20s.
There has been a lot to work on, anxiety, depression, addiction, just the whole mess!
But I am really making huge strides, and I feel so very strong.
But at the same time I feel very overwhelmed and just so emotional.
I had been numbing myself with medications for too long and I feel like now (since coming off antidepressants), I feel very sensitive to everything around me.
But I also have this feeling of waking up. of seeing my world as it really is...warts and all.
I am feeling all the emotions that had been suppressed and this is such hard work.
I was feeling at a bit of a standstill pre Christmas although I was begining to touch on "mother issues" in counselling.
I consciously gritted my teeth and got through christmas day with my family.
Since then I had to write a note to my mother as I was to scared to face her and tell her in person something that she has been doing for years had to stop.
I had to tell her to stop calling my youngest child by the wrong name. Mum didn't like the name we chose so simply made up her own for my child.
I have learned about narcissism over the last few days and realised the diagnoses of npd fits my mum.
I refuse to see her, for the time being, until I have at least discussed this with my psychologist, and also armed myself with knowledge.
But, she is a very involved grandmother, and my kids have always spent so much time at her (and my dad)'s home.
She is expecting to have my kids to stay overnight, to go on outings, to spend time with they're cousins over the next couple of weeks (it is school holidays here in Australia right now.
So my most important question, or thing I need to work out is do I let her see them?
Are they safe with her?
The other day she dropped them home, I had left a note at the door telling her I didn't want to speak with her so she walked in and told my 8 yr old "...you tell mummy what is going to happen over the next few weeks".
Miss 8 proceeded to excitedly tell me of the plans for an overnight stay, a trip to the city, a trip to the beach, and one other thing.
Absolutely no consultation with me or my hubby to ask if it would be ok.
I don't want to cut my kids off from they're grandparents, because this involves my dad too.
But I feel bullied.
I also feel that this is very raw, and I feel extremely protective of my kids in a very primal way.
In the sense that it seems wrong for me to send my kids (even though they really want to go) to my parents home if I have such a sense of fear about going there myself...don't know if this makes sense.
And there is so much more coming up too...I think I'll just post this now.
Part of me is very fearful that she or someone I know will read this.