Once upon a time in a land not so far away a boy was born ... just as any normal infant-he was vulnerable, dependent-he, like all of us had no choice but to trust to survive. His universe depended on the love and care of his caregivers. This tiny little soul yearned for love-he needed to be held, nurtured and certain-he required unconditional love-and before he could even say a word-before he could ever protect himself he was abandoned from the assurance and approval-the praise and protection-the divinity that was his birth right. Deserted from his only sources of developing a healthy self-left bearing the burden of dysfunction that would insidiously sow as a seed to malignancy.
Someone didn't acknowledge him-someone didn't think that he was important enough. Someone expected perfection from him-as perfect as any little boy could be wasn't enough. He unwillingly was developing into an extension of one caregivers inadequacy-the result of another caregivers failure to protect him.
In that land not so far away he was growing. He was developing-learning that he just wasn't good enough. It didn't matter how hard that he tried-it didn't matter how amazing he was-a gift from the universe-as is every child. He couldn't trust-he lived in a environment that never felt safe-safe enough to be anyone at all. This little boy got lost in the idea that who he is isn't good enough. Lacking a normal sense of who he is-the inability to develop a healthy sense of self-he resorted to a persona that lacked a sense of self. Unknowingly-he didn't understand empathy, compassion or conscience. At least not for others-thriving and surviving as a disappointment to his creator-a failure that he never was. The failure that he would forever become.
Because he was never given the love, acceptance, approval and recognition for being a child of grace-a child of imperfect perfection ... the little boy drifted away. Shamed-lacking an altruistic self. Disassociated-underdeveloped emotionally. Never feeling the kind of unconditional love that every little soul deserves. Feeling-the lost boy couldn't feel.
In that same land that now has become his alcove-a place where his non existence exists-the little boy is now a young man. A world so small it hasn't room for another. Every dynamic-based on a perception. Non existing-unreal-just illusions. Every ounce of who he is based on a false sense of self. His existence is made up of projection, selflessness to an extreme in which he lacks the boundary between himself and another. He disillusioned himself to the extremes of omnipotence-grandiosity-omnipresence-entitled to all he was taught to believe that he didn't deserve. Absent of the emotions that make us who we are-he, on the contrary functions in his world because of who he is not.
An adult without an altruistic self-void of any of the beautiful, passionate and unique qualities that each of us possess that defines us as the gifts of the universe-divine as the beings we were intended to be.
A little boy now a man-ashamed and inadequate-a malevolent extension of his caregiver. Doomed to a life without love for himself-incapable of ever truly loving another.
I write this in love and light-with the same belief that it was never our fault-