Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support

    My own worst enemy?


    Posts : 63
    Join date : 2014-08-17
    Age : 55
    Location : Upstate NY

    My own worst enemy?

    Post by gigiminer on Wed Nov 25, 2015 8:55 am

    Just an interesting insight - have gotten separation papers started and a draft is now in the narc's hands. the ensuing retaliation should be "interesting" but the main reason for this post is a bit of self-revelation and advice to others.

    While putting together the draft of the agreement, I kept asking the lawyer about why this bit of info was missing or why that...and lawyers do this every day so they are pretty much removed from our position and perspective. Finally, I got her to understand that I did not understand the "strategy" behind what was happening. yay, finally things make more sense.

    I, in my people pleaser style, was trying to make sure things were easy, complete, pretty much I was on auto pilot in what I was doing to get this done and over with (and I'm sure my impatience in trying to get rid of him was at play). But it helped me see that even as I'm hiding away, I'm still conditioned to do things that favor him...rather then me.

    I just don't know how to switch that mode yet, but I'm working on it. Given his being here, I don't get to do the courses as much as I want to. I have to keep an ear open for things he may do or where he is in the house at any given time. I know, this is hyper vigilance, but it's where I'm at right now. At least I know it.

    Thus, all this to tell anyone going through this to take a look and make sure you're not helping the narc to further mess with you or abuse you. We're so used to revolving our lives around them just to keep them from exploding, we forget that we're no longer responsible for their well-being, their happiness, their anything. It's kind of tough to switch gears to ourselves. It's going to be a learning experience.

    Fortunately for me, my lawyer's looking out for my interests...even tho' I have no idea how to do that yet. But I'll get there. Very Happy

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