Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    Hoovering - Save yourself

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    gigiminer

    Posts : 63
    Join date : 2014-08-17
    Age : 55
    Location : Upstate NY

    Hoovering - Save yourself

    Post by gigiminer on Mon Oct 26, 2015 7:22 am

    In one of the videos/audios, Rich mentions not taking anything from the narc.  And compares them to an angler fish.  I don't think he expounded on that enough tho'.  It's insidious.  When the narc is trying to manipulate you; trying to drag you back into their web, they will use anything.  If they know something is important to you, they will dangle that bait over and over.

    And when it is important to you, ignoring, using the grey rock, it's so much more difficult.  e.g. i care for a feral clowder.  in doing so, I have to find ways to feed them, protect them - I've been working with local rescue groups (the best I can as a current prisoner of the narc) to get cats fixed and safe from uneducated and unkind humans.

    He has tried, multiple times, to ask questions, share articles, provide food - I've had to figure out "should I ignore him" or "do it for the cats".  They use this so well against you.  Your weaknesses - maybe things that aren't really weaknesses, but that you have a strong feeling about.  If they can insinuate themselves into the middle of that, they think that you have to respond to them - give them supply.  

    It's maddening.  I'm stuck with this narc until he decides to move out.  I have no recourse at present.  No doubt he knows that.  So when his plans to suck in someone else fail, he returns to his kill and takes another bite out of me...and I have to figure out how not to respond and how to ignore and discourage further abuse.

    Save yourself some major difficulties and don't accept ANYTHING from them.  No matter how much you need it - just leave it lay.  Let it rot - even if you have issues with waste - better it be a waste than they lay waste to your soul.
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    SillyMilly77

    Posts : 28
    Join date : 2015-10-15
    Age : 28
    Location : The Netherlands

    Re: Hoovering - Save yourself

    Post by SillyMilly77 on Tue Oct 27, 2015 11:00 pm

    This is why no contact is so crucial. Interaction with the narc always gets you doubting EVERYTHING. They're so good at making you doubt. Vicious and violent one moment, then charming and kind the next, and the moments they're charming, kind, generous etc. you find yourself doubting if this person really was all that bad. ONLY when you create distance and have NO CONTACT with the narc, when they can't even offer you the things they know you need, can you finally stop doubting, and start working your way back into sanity again.

    Unfortunately, when you're living with the narc, this step is easier said than done...

    Musicali

    Posts : 3
    Join date : 2016-06-09

    Re: Hoovering - Save yourself

    Post by Musicali on Thu Jun 09, 2016 5:47 pm

    Fortunately I hardly see my ex anymore but when I do, it catches me by surprise. He's a diagnosed psychopath and is very charming. He made my life a misery after being with him for a while and I have no desire to get back with him or even have any contact with him. However, last time I saw him, he came up to me in a shop and I engaged in full conversation with him. It reminded how charming he can be and what a good actor he is. If I'd have seen him first and had the chance,I would have used grey rock but, I just didn't. Can anyone advise on how to deal with a charming psychopath? Thanks
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    MidnightOwl

    Posts : 5
    Join date : 2016-08-04
    Age : 32
    Location : California

    Re: Hoovering - Save yourself

    Post by MidnightOwl on Thu Aug 04, 2016 5:11 pm

    Great point. I was "raised" by a mother who likely would be diagnosed with NPD, and after many years in therapy I've learned to detach and go minimal contact (mainly through email and always having a group around when physically visiting). But she'll swoop in when she sniffs an opportunity (nod to Richard and maintaining your emotional state...very important). My husband recently left for 3 months of job training in another state, and she immediately does this showering of attention, offering to come down and visit because I must be so lonely, etc. I let her know that I'm fine, I still have my job, I have friends to visit and I actually enjoy my alone time. Sure I miss him but again, by taking care of my emotional state, it's manageable. AANNND I haven't heard from her since because what can she further manipulate?

    Though, I have to say, I don't think I'll ever 100% get over my want of a loving familial connection. However, I recognize that it's not to be found in my birth family and have accepted that. So it is slightly hurtful when she steps into "caring mother" mode, but I just notice that feeling and learn to let it go.

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    Re: Hoovering - Save yourself

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