Thank you both.
I write. I've always written something. Sadly, much of my writing was being used as a weapon and ammunition, so I had to destroy pretty much all of it that wasn't already published.
But, as I wait for my freedom, I am writing again, just in some different ways so he can't get the info or I have to change how I write. As I'm working through things, I'm writing...recording feelings, moments, thoughts. Who knows, maybe one day it will help someone else.
Maybe it's part of the people-pleaser thing, but I can't see any reason to bother with all this (apart from healing myself) if it's not going to help someone else, so that's my focus (in part) as I move forward. Here's an excerpt from what I just wrote (sparked from your audio) - kindly ignore bad writing, etc...it's raw, not edited.
"We’re never going to be completely healed. We’ll get better…but you can’t erase what’s happened to you. If we wait until we’re healed to help someone else, we’ll never bother. Some people whom I listen to for help are obviously still wounded to some degree. That makes me feel better. They’re human. They still have issues. But here they are, trying to help. That lets me know that if I want to help, I can. Even if I look like a friggin’ idiot, at least someone might see that as honest and open and take some comfort from it.
Different people need different people. Sounds totally silly there. But I can help one person but not another. Someone else might be of help to the person whom I can’t help. We find teachers that speak to our souls. Not all are compatible. But when you find one who is, it makes a big difference to your healing."
Thus, I appreciate anyone who "puts themselves out there" and lets their wounds show. It's brave and it helps someone who's still highly vulnerable feel less alone. We don't have to be perfect to heal. We don't have to be perfect to help someone else heal. We just have to be.