Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    Joke as a weapon

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    Neowuf

    Posts : 13
    Join date : 2015-05-23

    Joke as a weapon

    Post by Neowuf on Sat Aug 29, 2015 8:03 pm

    Joke as a weapon

    The abuser love to use irony as a weapon or one excuse to abuse and provoke. If you feel offended about a joke, don't laugh, just make a poker face and ask to stop.

    I'm saying that cos it's really easy for people pleaser to smile and laugh all time, trying make no confrontation.

    Irony is great, but I learn to do it to myself alone about my own situation and not as a submissive gesture, I like to re-frame the situation and use irony, this is good.

    But I know my sense of humor and fake smiles, for a long time, was just to agreed about what my abusive father was saying about me and make no confrontation.

    For a kid, it's really hard to give back a punch of "irony"(provocation), If you are that smart with words you can give the taste of his own poison. I notice man's in general love to play provocation jokes, I do with my friend's, but I set the limits, I set the lines, we have true fun. I notice from my females friends they tend to not smile back for man.

    There is a whole social language, body language going on behind a smile, jokes and provocations.

    How are your experiences with it ? I would love to discuss so when can have a wealth sense of humor like Richard have !

    I was inspired to write this after watching he saying about the importance of humor and re-frame on the last youtube video.
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    gigiminer

    Posts : 63
    Join date : 2014-08-17
    Age : 55
    Location : Upstate NY

    Re: Joke as a weapon

    Post by gigiminer on Mon Aug 31, 2015 12:09 pm

    The "just joking" line was used and used and used and...well, you get the idea. And it made it hard for me to enjoy my own sense of humor. But, it's my saving grace to laugh and find humor in life.

    the narcs use sarcasm and cruel humor...if it's really humor. I'm all in favor of laughing and finding a joke in any circumstance I can. I don't like to hurt people...so even if I might think something that I find humorous, I won't say it if it might hurt someone's feelings. And yet, sometimes I think something's funny and share it and it lands with a thud.

    Intent seems the major difference. And intent is the hardest thing to know for sure. Smile

    Otter

    Posts : 8
    Join date : 2015-08-18

    Re: Joke as a weapon

    Post by Otter on Tue Sep 01, 2015 9:37 pm

    Oh yes, totally get. I was raised by sarcasm! And if it wasn't sarcastic and someone slipped and came right out and said something nasty, if I was offended then clearly I was the problem! Of course, why wouldn't the punching bag be the problem.

    I particularly like "Oh you just can't take a joke" - I get this from my family whenever I take offense with something they say. And I get "You don't have a sense of humor anymore" from my narcissistic husband.

    Once you get away from narcissists for a while and you can relax with 'normal' people you actually can start to tell the difference between narcissistic abuse and real humor. Real humor has no mean spiritedness in it.

    cariad

    Posts : 8
    Join date : 2016-01-18

    Re: Joke as a weapon

    Post by cariad on Sat Mar 12, 2016 12:25 pm

    My narc goes a step further with a twist: he'll make a joke that is genuinely a joke and I find it funny and smile- he then goes "joking! God, i'm JOKING why do have to take everything so seriously??" ... when I didnt take it seriosuly at all. So basically forcing a role on me that is not true.. so he can build a picture of me being serious amd not able to take a joke... whether that is true or not. At that point you really dont have many options of how to respond that will disprove this!
    Apart from hysterical laughter maybe.
    Im not explaining this very well but im wondering if narcs are very creative. Mine would make an amazing film writer/director. He's incredibly talented at... styling things, making even the most subtle changes to things which make a huge difference. They are like set-designers, directors, producers, and puppeteers in your life, deconstructing and reconstructing it slowly by making subtle but important changes to the script, styling, etc.

    cariad

    Posts : 8
    Join date : 2016-01-18

    Re: Joke as a weapon

    Post by cariad on Sat Mar 12, 2016 12:34 pm

    I always thought it was weird when I noticed he always has to say "joking!" after every joke he makes, with other people as well as me, when it's totally unneccessary- people are smart enough to know a joke is a joke! I think it just another tactic to make you feel uncomfortable basically, you are forced to excuse yourself for something you didnt do! ("No i know you were joking. No honestly its fine i didnt take it seriously!")
    ***arrghhhh feeling slightly crazy now just talking about it!!** *

    Yann1

    Posts : 3
    Join date : 2016-04-06

    Re: Joke as a weapon

    Post by Yann1 on Fri Apr 08, 2016 1:53 am

    My husband's sense of humour actually attracted me to him. He could make me laugh but then gradually I became the butt of the joke to whoever he was trying to impress. I just couldn't fathom that his put downs were meant to erode my self esteem (which was already low). He even made fun of me to our kids growing up. I can't believe how ignorant I was of how mean he was intentionally being. I would spend time explaining to him how hurtful it was and asking him to stop doing it. He would say 'it's only a joke. Where's your sense of humour?'

    Musicali

    Posts : 3
    Join date : 2016-06-09

    Re: Joke as a weapon

    Post by Musicali on Thu Jun 09, 2016 5:40 pm

    Yes, my ex used to say things that touched a nerve in a 'joking' way. I lost count of the tones he told me I was too sensitive and he was 'just joking'.

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