Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    I just don't know

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    FeWolf

    Posts : 7
    Join date : 2015-08-25

    I just don't know

    Post by FeWolf on Tue Aug 25, 2015 9:49 pm

    I will explain about myself than ask a question.
    I spent 36 months in combat, and from it got PTSD, I keep it in control for many years. I was always positive, my first marriage ended due to never being home from deployments, I had no issue post marriage and kept a formal relationship with the mother because of the children, I was awarded the children, I dated for 17 years nothing serious, and kept my dating away from my children, so that I would not cause any undo stress on them. After they left home i started dating more in earnest. I met a co-worker and we talked alot over several years at the work place and ran into each other at book store, coffee shop, mall ect...
     She invited me to a singles gathering since we both attended the same church. I went and she invited me over, needless to say, we decided to start dating, on our third date, she said she loved me, we married 3 months later, I found her attractive, well educated, she is a Doctor, and both have firm belief in God. I asked her children first, if it was ok to marry mom.
     Well as we went down the road, because of the living conditions, my blood pressure went sky high and I stroked twice, my mental health got so bad I tired to take my own life 3 times, her 2 sons have also tried, one is a Alcoholic and got him out of the state and in AA and he is doing well and clean, second one in doing drugs, if it was not for me her son would be dead, because when he OD-ed she did not take him to hospital, I did, her brother committed suicide and her ex-husband is a alcoholic.

    Because my first marriage failed, partially because of me and my deployments, I wanted to make up for it on second marriage, I had no boundaries, I rubbed her back nightly, painted her nails, washed her hair, took care of the children and all their activities, cooked and clean. I traded in my car for SUV so that she could sleep while we road tripped. My life became a denatured servant.

    Question: could she actually be the trigger of my PTSD? Because issues of suicide and PTSD was not so strong there until her.
                 should I retain connected with the children, 2 are out the house and they call me Dad, they do not even call their Bio Father that.
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    gigiminer

    Posts : 63
    Join date : 2014-08-17
    Age : 55
    Location : Upstate NY

    Re: I just don't know

    Post by gigiminer on Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:38 am

    FeWolf - my personal opinion is that, yes, she is a massive trigger for your PTSD. I had my first panic attack because of the one I'm currently waiting to leave. And I realized that the anxiety got worse and worst over time until I was nearly suicidal. When I made up my mind to split from him, the anxiety started to subside (at least the long term). And by examining all of the events, I'd say most of my cptsd triggers are because of him. So I don't doubt that yours are activated by yours.

    If you can be a part of the childrens' lives without being near her, I should think you'd all be good support for one another. It would just be a fine line to walk to make sure she doesn't use it against you or them. If they understand what's going on, perhaps they'd be more than willing to spend time with you and all of you keep it a "secret" for lack of a better word.

    Thank you, btw. I'm sorry you're suffering for your service again, via the narc. But do know someone appreciates what you've given and I hope you can begin your healing journey.

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    FeWolf

    Posts : 7
    Join date : 2015-08-25

    Re: I just don't know

    Post by FeWolf on Thu Aug 27, 2015 1:01 pm

    Wow, sounds alot like me Gigiminer.
    As far as my service, it was my Honor to serve this Nation, thanks for the reply.
    2 Of the children the oldest have nothing to do with her, and she does know we have alot of contact, thank God they are supportive to me.
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    jazzycat

    Posts : 14
    Join date : 2015-05-09
    Location : United States

    Re: I just don't know

    Post by jazzycat on Tue Sep 22, 2015 3:53 am

    FeWolf, it sounds like you really didn't have any problems before her. So it sounds like she is the root of your problems, especially since her kids also have similar problems. I would stay as far away from her as possible. Since the kids are adults, I would say continue having a relationship with them. It appears you have a good relationship that's beneficial and helpful to them, and also yourself.

    (btw, the part about all the stuff you did for her, that sounds a lot like what I did for my ex. I woke him up every morning by softly stroking/scratching his entire body, for like, a half hour or more, made his coffee and brought it to him, constantly gave him massages (and I'm the one with the bad back), did all the cleaning, took care of all the business, etc. And he said I never showed him love.)

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