While this is an overly simplistic idea, maybe this will help just a tad: ego vs self esteem
Revenge, imho, is when the ego is harmed and is looking to retaliate for the blow. Yes, I can see if one has been harmed repeatedly and there is a rubber band effect in how it snaps back. That's a natural survival response, while revenge is usually because of holding onto the hurt and feeling embarrassed. I've been put on the "get back at you for that" list over and over and once was because I threw a surprise party. I didn't understand why that was a retaliatory issue, but I think it had to do with being able to do something "behind their back".
If you're the one thinking about revenge, I think it's natural. We want to hurt those who've hurt us. But it will mostly hurt you. I won't tell you "don't feel that way" as that's silly advise. But consider being the better person and in that being the winner of the situation.
If you're the recipient - I feel for you. Some people need a target in their lives. I knew someone who used to say "if they're talking about you, they're giving someone else a break". Not the most comforting statement, but maybe just a little bit of a more positive spin.
Ok...so I can't see your post in this reply window - thus if I've gone off on a tangent on you, my apologies.