Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support

    Manipulative traits and marriage



    Posts : 11
    Join date : 2016-06-26

    Manipulative traits and marriage

    Post by SilverLining on Fri May 05, 2017 5:15 pm

    I will be married 38 years this summer. I've learned so much from you, Richard, about confusing and distressing dynamics in my marriage that I always attributed to my own deficiencies. I have learned that I am a people pleaser with intense emotophobic reactions that have impacted my relationships and behavior for most of my life. Your build better boundaries course and your videos have helped me tremendously. Identifying that amorphous toxic shame that drove me to always give, give, give to try to keep it at bay was crucial. Now I can clearly see that my spouse manifests many Narcissistic traits and is highly reaction seeking without being a full blown NPD. According to Pete Walkers book on CPTSD, I see many signs of this trauma in my spouse and, knowing his history, this is quite consistent with childhood traumas.

    The issue now is that the interpersonal dynamic has dramatically changed because I am no longer taking the bait. This has thrown him into a more threatened state which manifests in more gaslighting to force me back into codependent/people pleaser attitude and behavior so he can be in control and feel "comfortable" with the dynamic again. I am not going there....I'm done with that. In many ways the relationship is good, we've been together since 16 years old and are close to 60 now. I'm not leaving the marriage. Any insights or suggestions you can offer to help move toward a new, healthier interpersonal dynamic without taking another 38 years to get there?

      Current date/time is Thu Apr 26, 2018 2:33 am