i have never done anything like this before. very late entering into the social media world. still learning how to use facebook. :-) not even sure if I am using this forum right if not then someone can correct me.
anyway, a little something about me. female, 61, married 38 years, never knew about narcissism until 4 years ago. spent significant amount of time educating myself about NPD as well as codependency as I read and listened it was if a grey veil was being lifted from my eyes. all of a sudden (and it was) everything clicked. everything he had said, had done, didn't say, didn't do, suddenly I understood. you see I always knew there was something "off" with my emotional relationship with my husband. always felt I could never please him. long story an water under the bridge at this point.
anyway, marriage altering event took place 4 years ago, broke the foundation of my marriage, spent the next year learning about NPD and talking to lawyers to learn about our divorce laws, preparations, expense etc. Here's the thing. I know who and what he is. I know you can not have an emotional relationship with someone who is incapable of having an emotional relationship. I am still married to him and we live in the same house. However, for me, the emotional element of our relationship is over. yes I went through all the grieving, crying etc but now I find myself in a good place regarding him. I am no longer bitter, angry, hurt, disappointed. I just feel nothing. So why do I stay. well, it's a question of money (ah the root of all evil) You see, he makes 6 figures a year, pays for everything, the house, insurance, groceries, car repairs all of it. I work part time as I care take my elderly parents so I earn a pittance. But, my little income is MINE. You see, once I knew he was a N, I decided to exert myself and told him because of what had happened (the marriage altering event) I was going to work part time and the income would be mine. I have to admit I was surprised when he didn't object as in the past having my own money was a no no. I opened my own checking account and my check is directly deposited. I spend MY money however I choose. A bit of time later, I decided to push the envelope again and made plans to go away for a weekend, without him and without talking to him about it. I just went. When I returned I said nothing to him and he to me. yay for me. So did it again only this time went on a trip for 4 days and again when I returned nothing was said. Now in the past I wouldn't dare go anywhere without checking with him first and from past experience I would not necessarily been told no, but he would let me know he wasn't pleased with the idea and that would be enough for me to drop it. So now I feel free to come and go as I please, do what I want, when I want and I do.
Now I do ask myself why don't I just file for divorce. Well, to be frank, financially I am better off with him. i like my home and my lifestyl and if I can come and go as I please, spend my money as I please why not just hang in? There is no drama, no arguments, nothing. we live in the same house, live separate lives and I get the benefit of his income. I can say that at this point in my life I am not interested in seeking a relationship with anyone, if anything I would rather live alone and have lots of friends. Almost what I have now. lol
So this is my dilemma. To stay and live comfortably or to go and hope that once the divorce dust settles I have enough to live on and retire on when the time comes. You see, I don't want to be old and poor.