Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support

    I need some help



    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2016-11-08

    I need some help

    Post by Freedom on Tue Nov 08, 2016 4:13 am

    I am finding the revelation that the dysfunction in my family has been caused through my father having a NPD overwhelming!
    In some ways it's exciting to finally be able to see what's happening.  I thought it was alcoholism, I thought I had aspergers, I've always had paralysing anxiety, I thought there was something wrong with me, ... and there is  Shocked

    I have bought Pete Walker and Linda Martinez-Lewi's books and I am watching your youtube videos, it just feels incredible to hear my family life described.  I really want to talk about it but I know most people would never understand; I would like to go and see a councillor but I am in a fragile state after confronting and challenging my father about his behaviour about 3 months ago (I did this before I had heard of NPD otherwise I probably would have handled things differently!).  
    My father (76 years old), has been prominent in a small town, very charismatic, charming, successful, controlling and ruthless (with an alcohol problem).  I am the scapegoat.  Hi  rendeer

    I think I have always felt afraid; never knowing what was going to trigger his rage.  Definition rage - uncontrollable yelling and screaming, physical 'discipline', the spewing forth of poisonous venom (incredibly vile verbal stuff).  I always knew I was a disappointment.

    As an adult, to punish my disobedience, I would be 'cut off' physically and legally by my family, (recruited by my father), the last time it was 2 years.

    I was bought back into the fold because he needed someone to help him in his business, (my sister had moved to another country after a marriage breakup and my brother had moved to the country to recover from a drug habit).   The honeymoon period, a couple of years, I was crowned, the clever one, the one in charge and titled CEO; I didn't see the boundary violations, manipulation or the creeping in of temper tantrums.  

    Health issues caused memory problems for my father, he had always been in sole control so I was on call, he rang from 7 am in the morning until 9 pm at night 7 days a week, explaining, discussing, taking orders and comforting, (kinda liking the attention). A complicated situation with building regulations and the local council meant I had to manage a large project with a variety of professionals.   Long story short; as he got well he saw I had gained authority and respect from the professionals that I had been working with; things went down hill from there.  

    I was worn down mentally and emotionally but I gave as good as I got in our arguments (not something I'm proud of).  I saw with clarity his lies and manipulation.  I saw him rip people off, I saw his immaturity, and wounded ego, I saw him viciously slander people, when he wanted to make bad decisions I told him what I thought.  I walked away when he decided to change our working relationship to the unequal position of father and child, Boss and secretary, without even a discussion, just 'that's always how it was' (gaslighting); (even as I write this I think I sound like a bitter bitch!)

    I am again exiled, my family have not spoken to me about the situation; but they are not speaking to me.  I have received papers from his lawyer to sign that I resign from the family trust.  
    I know he is telling lies about me, I hate that the most.
    Do I fight?
    Do I sign the papers?
    Do I leave town?
    I know he wants to destroy me.
    What have I done?

      Current date/time is Fri Jan 20, 2017 7:53 am