Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support

    Looking for advice on coping with transition and not back sliding into codependency after move to own apartment, return to college



    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2016-03-31

    Looking for advice on coping with transition and not back sliding into codependency after move to own apartment, return to college

    Post by KathrynLH32 on Tue Oct 04, 2016 5:51 am

    I am separated from a Narc getting started on divorce, I actually had to run to a domestic Safe House in April, and waited 5 months for an apartment because their behavior turned violent when I stopped believing the lie of the persona they projected. I was raised by a cabal of Narcs, and thanks to Richard and Spartan Life coach videos and courses, am very aware of my own addiction to these people and the problems it brings. I haven't done life coaching, but just the stuff Richard puts out there and how confused I was about my own life before, inspired me to return to college to become a life coach and enter this field, I got accepted back to college I previously had not completed. I got my own apartment ten days ago, for the moment, I have a good deal of money, everything should be great, and I am going nuts with anxiety
    I have 2 therapists... standard American cry about it or try to relax type, and a medication provider for anxiety.
    Here is the thing, staying in a safe house was miserable in a lot of ways, didn't get to choose the people I was around, but I could fixate on how much I disliked my situation, and if I felt the need for socialization, I could go find it, and a lot of the other people had cptsd traits of narcs so I could even find familiarity.
    I am disabled with a mobility limitation so its never been easy to get out of the house, and 9 out of 10 people I made friends with in my life turned out to be narcs. I weeded out that little life garden, went no contact with my father who is a covert narc and was becoming 100 times more verbally abusive to me in the safe house over the phone. I have been NC with my exmother, a very violently abusive overt narc for over 9 years, I am an only child, and now I am here in a super nice apartment, been here for ten days, and having massive panic attacks, the like of which I have not had before I started living with my soon to be ex-wife.
    We were together for 5 years, 3 married two living together, after a week of knowing each lol, and I wouldn't trade her treatment and abuse or that of my parents or ex-narc friends to get rid of the anxiety, but I feel like I am backsliding in my recovery, I find myself freezing and having a hard time pushing through to get school work done. I often feel like I cannot breathe. My whole life I have had severe anxiety. But the manner it took was different when I was the center of Narc ex's world and I was totally on a high when it was good, you know.
    I feel like have a need to learn to be alone with myself and feel ok, generate self love, and get better at self soothing and I thought I made a lot of progress in this area with the pete walker books, and the narcissistic abuse recovery course as well as the first aid course, the Revenge against a narc book, and other materials and I know recovery is not a straight arrow up, but I am feeling so f*cked up from the anxiety of just being with myself I feel like I can barely function, I felt like this every time in my life I would be out of contact with narcs but with no awareness of my own addiction to them, and would just keep repeating the cycle.
    I won't do that anymore, I work on creating the possibility of a ray of hope that things are going to feel more stable and I will not be going through 5 anxiety attacks and 2 panic attacks a day (waking up right into panic attacks that's the worst part) I have a goal to do well in college and slowly try to socialize healthily, I know it hasn't even been two weeks since I made a major move and I have been in college less than a month but... I just had a terrible horrible insane panic attack waking up from a half hour nap before which I felt ok, and IDK what to do, and I don't think my therapists understand how to really help and with my insurance its not a problem I can fix immediately I could be chasing a therapist for years who gets this... I don;t know what to do to make myself feel better, beyond all the stuff I am trying from books and courses, I don't know how to make myself feel safe without a narc around but I won't live like that.
    Anyone out there who can relate, support, or offer some good advice and coping techs?

      Current date/time is Wed Mar 21, 2018 10:06 pm