Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    How Do I Date Again?

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    BecomingMyself-ish

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2016-10-01

    How Do I Date Again?

    Post by BecomingMyself-ish on Sun Oct 02, 2016 7:12 am

    I ended a long-distance relationship with a person who had narc traits. I don't know if she truly was/is, but I went no contact and 11 months later, we were talking through email again. During the 11 month complete break, I transformed into a better version of myself; perhaps the healthiest potential I've ever had. I stopped drinking (10 months in two weeks!) and started therapy. I have learned a lot about myself and a lot about how I was allowing this person to abuse me. I also learned about my abusive ways towards her.

    After she established contact again (and me allowing it), I found myself experiencing the same patterns and over-explaining. I felt misunderstood or not at all, completely invalidated still, and have enough knowledge to at the very least ASSUME that I am only a source of supply. I assume she is in some sort of low supply state, so she has reached out to me to fill in that void. I tried being very patient and reasonable with my communication, but it just took all my time and started to consume my thoughts again in only two weeks!

    So I have to just move on from her. I want to help and rescue and save her, but she does not own her life or exhibit a high level of responsibility. But when I stop focusing on her, I begin to realize the relationship and even coming back into contact is more revealing about MY traits. I haven't been properly diagnosed with anything yet, but I think I may be codependent. Who knows. I have trust issues, jealousy issues, minimal anger issues (but anger is there for sure). I'm controlling. I believe this stems from some deep fear developed in my childhood, although I don't know what that is. I don't know exactly what I'm afraid of. Mostly being judged, on a very basic level.

    I am in therapy now as my psychiatrist recommended I get in before these patterns become irreversible.

    Okay, to the point! I am interested in dating/physical relations with women now. I had enough time to process my last girlfriend and her abuse towards me. I have forgiven her and processed the pain (mostly). However, I don't know how to date. I have low self esteem and social anxiety. I'm sober now. I don't frequent bars or places where drinking occurs. I have two children and I'm 37. I'm just not cavalier about it, but I also wouldn't mind purely sexual flings, honestly, if it was mutually understood as such. I'm pretty confused about how to go about it, but also...

    Do I even go about it? I wonder if I can handle it? I don't want to miss out on a potentially great relationship with someone. I don't want to perpetually be afraid of dating again. I want to have a bit of fun and see who is out there. Women have been flirting with me lately and I've even obtained a few numbers. I'm scared I'm going to fuck it all up by falling for someone immediately instead of just being relaxed or nonchalant about the encounter. Like... just be their friend. I don't know how to do that.

    Does anyone have advice on how to date while in therapy and still processing a bit of PTSD (albeit low-level) from a previous relationship? Any personal experience with this?

      Current date/time is Sat Jun 24, 2017 11:29 pm