Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    I am abusing my narcissist and don't know my boundaries

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    ddickson

    Posts : 1
    Join date : 2016-09-07

    I am abusing my narcissist and don't know my boundaries

    Post by ddickson on Wed Sep 07, 2016 9:30 am

    I have been in a 30 year relationship with a narcissist and we are going through a divorce. I served divorce papers in February and in June left for the third and final time, getting my own apartment and I love it. My husband has been living in the house my parents built and I've lived in nearly my whole life. He is living there alone and paying bills. He wants me to sell the house and split the profits. I want him to take the IRAs and leave me the house without selling.
    We got together a week ago and had sex for the first time in a long time and I agreed to sell. He went out of town and I realized I was crazy to sell such a wonderful property I could rent out and keep. Instead of talking to him about it, I packed up all his stuff in the car and basically told him to hit the road. He's been a wonderful father and provider and now I can't believe I did such a harmful thing to someone.
    I am a kind, and loving teacher, parent and friend. Am I using spiteful boundary issues and trying to hurt this man? I don't want to get back together, but not handling this in an adult manner either. When I try to say what I want, I feel manipulated, so I quit trying to negotiate as I know I will never win an argument with him.
    Am I crazy? I have been listening to spiritual, doing yoga, meditating and going to therapy and everyone thinks I'm healthy, plus I'm writing a book and finishing a PhD, so how I can do something so overtly mean and aggressive to someone I love?




    bkb2012

    Posts : 3
    Join date : 2016-09-07

    What In The World?

    Post by bkb2012 on Wed Sep 07, 2016 11:59 pm

    You don't negotiate with a tyrant. These people are untrustworthy. When you get in touch with your true indentity, you will not accept this nastiness -- ever again. sunny

    Auroma

    Posts : 7
    Join date : 2016-11-10

    Re: I am abusing my narcissist and don't know my boundaries

    Post by Auroma on Thu Nov 10, 2016 6:16 am

    Ys ur being codependent stay strong
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    KatC

    Posts : 5
    Join date : 2016-10-23

    Re: I am abusing my narcissist and don't know my boundaries

    Post by KatC on Tue Jan 10, 2017 5:47 pm

    It sounds like (and I'm basing this off of my own experiences/behaviors/thought processes while I was healing from CPTSD) that you knew in your subconscious when you told him you would sell that house that is YOUR family home that you were fawning,.. falling into line and doing what he expected you too.  I believe what happened was you had a bit of growth and that boundary that he had been able to cut away grew back and you realized if you did not act quickly he would keep cutting away at it until the house was sold and it was too late to change the circumstances.  I would not feel badly at all for packing his things.  It was your house first, you may have to reimburse him his investment into it, but at least it will stay in your family and that's HUGE.  I think you did the right thing, and I also think you are getting stronger.  So don't let your own actions scare you, take comfort in them.   You're in charge of your life, not him.

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