Feel free to weigh in on this one!
"Can a narcissist be "generous"?in the way to gain the love of estime? " Yes, often they will do great charitable deeds very conspicuously.
"Other point would be also the lack of empathy, so it would mean that the codependents lack of empathy? What about that? If they do and they just are pleaser not because of their empathy but because of the constant fear of rejection that would make them really similar to the narcissists?"
Let me help: codependent people pleasers do not lack empathy but they ARE sticking around because of a kind of "false empathy" (they/we will report feeling sorry for the abuser and not willing to "abandon" them) but it is motivated by a constant fear of rejection, yes.
Narcissists are not predominantly motivated by fear of rejection, you are thinking of borderlines here I think. Its possible you may have read this online in your study, some authors conflate NPD with BPD... and so do some clinicians. Often, but not always, BPD and NPD show up together in the same person (comorbidity its called) but the author/clinician isnt skilled enough or trained properly to distinguish between the two.
This is why Borderlines have such a bad reputation. Not every BPD has the NPD traits. In my humble opinion BPD becomes NPD when the BPD is full of toxic shame and self rejection and learns to push the attention away from themselves (something they will at times find very distressing as they think they are being "analysed" or "judged" or "shown up") by being outwardly critical or hurtful to others. They learn to make other people feel as insecure as they do to protect themselves and feel a bit better.
These are just my observations, I cant back this up with any peer reviewed research at this point.
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CLICK "show more" to see the major red flags and what to do about them here... (please feel free to add your own in the coments) 1. do you frequently find th...
Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach
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