As repeatedly suggested by Richard, I'm currently reading Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving" and it seems to be what I've been looking for all my life to heal my wounds and trauma (and alleviate a great deal of my suffering throughout life).
While discovering Richard may have saved my life while in distress in the recent months, plus starting to open me towards understanding and healing of CPTSD, this book is *the* manual for me for deeper understanding and healing.
I highly suggest you get it. It is not a sole remedy, but it talks about how recovery and healing can look like. Because it is a complex disorder, the recovery has to be complex and needs to happen on many levels, emotional, somatic, cognitive, etc. It gives you understanding and tools for these levels and guides your recovery. Especially on the cognitive level it gives a complete view of the problem, how it came about, what it did to you and how to get out of it. For me, simply understanding the dynamics of CPTSD seems to help a great deal and give me some relief. But I'm only at the beginning of the journey.
I lost my cellphone last night and feel so peaceful, that seems to be healing too