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Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    Step one in recovery is....?

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    NotSoZen

    Posts : 35
    Join date : 2016-04-13
    Location : Northern Europe

    Step one in recovery is....?

    Post by NotSoZen on Fri Jun 17, 2016 3:30 pm

    Recovery. I need boxes to put things in. I've been trying to get to grips with this for so long. What is step one?


    I don't know about you guys, but it seems to me, like the problem is that the person has been living in a negative world. Which is the world of the narcissist. The solution has got to be, to get the person to a positive world, right? The world of normal people.


    The process being to show that the world of the narcissist is actually a false world and a very dark and negative one, based on completely different values and behavior, than the normal world.

    As well as showing that the normal world has a lot of good in it and is really a good world to live in. So we should seek out the good world out there and we need to align ourselves with the healthy values of the world of good people.

    It may take time, but aligning ourselves with the values of good, well adjusted people, will give us a chance of a good and happy life.


    There are just a few snags. Good, well adjusted people tend to be totally messed up and the good world out there is so full of crazy behavior, that it's freaky. I don't want to change into someone watching "Game of Thrones" or "Hannibal" or go to the movies to enjoy "Saw". It triggers me. The new normal is freaky to me. A total freak zone mad house awful values scary place. So that does not work for me.


    Alternatively, the world I grew up believing in, where politicians were basically decent, where the good guys in the movies really did portray good guys and it wasn't just brainwashing propaganda with strange values imprinted on gullible people. That world isn't real to me now. That was a world, where you could trust authority. Where marriage was said to be happy ever after.  That whole world is one big fake dream. It's all made up. It never existed.


    So I am left with no longer believing in the fake world of my childhood, as well as not liking the real world of "normal people" that I see out there. And that leaves creating my own version of the world. A version I want to live in.


    I doubt that most people watch their entire view of the world crashing down. Burning up. Disappearing. Only to be left with the task of starting over from scratch. "Here's a shovel, mate." Like Robinson Crusoe on a desert island. No, not dessert island. That would make it much more fun, though. It's almost like the alchemic idea of death and transformation to become a new person. But our task is that big. At least for some of us. We aren't all identical with identical stories.


    At the moment, I am trying to build my own, positive world and figure out how to interact with people while at the same time, not really liking a lot of the things, that normal people do. Focusing on what I do like. Things were we do overlap.


    That part of the process is probably going to be different for all of us. Some do prefer "normal". I don't.

    I am not sure if it makes me a freak to need a more ideal world or not, but the "normal" world can be triggering for me so it's not really a choice. I don't know what other people think?
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    NotSoZen

    Posts : 35
    Join date : 2016-04-13
    Location : Northern Europe

    Re: Step one in recovery is....?

    Post by NotSoZen on Fri Jun 17, 2016 3:42 pm

    Part two.

    Yes, I am using this as a way to focus my mind and hopefully hear what others think.


    My ideal future would be, if I could walk down the road, mingle with others, engage with others and see them for exactly what they are. Their true selves. To see all the narcissists etc, all the golden children and the scapegoats. All the people with narc fleas. All the messed up people for who they really are and go; "Okay. This is how it is." Without freaking out. Just accepting how flawed humanity is and be real about it.

    Then, to be able to walk away without getting trapped by the negative people and instead find people who, however messed up they are; are nice people who like me for some reason. And I like them. To be able to enjoy communicating with people who mean well.

    If there is conflict with someone who means well, I need to be able to handle that without running away and without destroying the good relationship out of misunderstandings or temporary stress. Whatever it is.


    As well as being able to like myself. But that's another part of the puzzle. To like ourselves, we tend to measure ourselves to our ideal, don't we? If the ideal is an average person, then I will always fail. If the ideal is something that I like, then I have something to aspire to, that makes me feel good. It is easier to forgive myself if I know I tried for the best of reasons. I don't mind being a work in progress.

    Okay. Peace out.

    Let me know your thoughts?

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