Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    Inside the Brain of A Narc

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    blahblah77

    Posts : 17
    Join date : 2016-06-11

    Inside the Brain of A Narc

    Post by blahblah77 on Sun Jun 12, 2016 10:46 pm

    I was thinking about it today, and I started to realize that narcs are not even really that bad.  At least not in the sense of what is being said about them.  I remember in one of Richard's videos the statement "people are not evil; people are weak".  And that seems to be the case.  And a narcissist is one of the weakest people that can exist.  They are so scared to take risks that they set up scenarios in which they cannot lose.  The whole reason that they don't want you to see the reality of who they really ARE instead of the false image that they APPEAR to be is that they don't have anything else.  If they have to face that fact, then they have to face pain on an enormous scale.  They have to face the fact that they don't have a real personality (it is only a projection).  They have to face the fact that their defense mechanism that causes them to be shielded from pain while simultaneously giving them everything that they want is actually causing other people IMMENSE damage.  They have to face the pain inside of them from their childhood wounds.  They have to face all of it.  And they don't want to face that.  They don't want to face what reality is actually like simply because it will hurt.  So they set up situations in which they cannot lose.  As a result of that, they never understand what compassion is, or what humility is, or what love is.  They just cut themselves off emotionally from everybody and say "well I don't really care.  As long as I don't hurt it works for me".  I mean when you really look at what these people are, they usually aren't really doing that great to begin with.  Most of them are losers.  Many of them have substance addictions.  Many of them are into weird ideologies that they can use to shield themselves from the unpleasant reality of life and of the unknown portions of life.  They basically don't want to face the fact that their actions and words have consequences.

    I know the thought process because I was close to being one of those people at one point.  I thought that my words and actions didn't have consequences.  People just kept enabling my shitty behavior because they thought I was cool for being really good at a particular hobby.  People worshipped me because I was good at what I did, NOT because of who I was.  I had the false projection of self from what others thought of me.  I talked in the third person about myself in my head.  I hated the opposite sex and was incredibly rejecting toward them and pretty much anybody else.  Pretty much all of it.  And I was a complete loser.  I didn't have any real friends.  I wasn't getting laid.  I thought that getting drunk to "rage" was cool and I thought that doing the worst, most abusive thing was cool.  I hated myself deep down.  And I projected that hatred onto everybody else.  I had been abused so heavily in my childhood that I actually thought that was just how the world worked.  I thought that being abusive was just how you got what you wanted, otherwise you get none of what you want.  I actually thought that the world hated me/was going against me and I needed to fight back.  

    So then I started to realize toward the end of high school "whoa.  I have a problem.  I am dickhead."  And I actually over-corrected.  I became too nice, too people pleasing, and basically was straight up codependent.  Then I got abused myself and that made me understand the problem, gain some assertiveness, compassion, and a sense of self, and kind of get my life back on track.  Also got what I had coming for all those years of being abusive, so I felt like maybe I could forgive myself.  Now I don't feel a need to feel like I'm above anybody or push anybody down in the mud.  I just view all of that stuff and say "that is weakness, I cannot afford to be weak.  It is better to take the pain than to hurt others".  Because the reality of the situation on a broader scale is that we are all mortals.  We are all going to experience loss in our lives.  It doesn't matter if somebody makes 7 million dollars a year or if they live on a potato farm.  Doesn't really matter if somebody is a famous actor or if they have no friends.  Either way, we are all going to take our hits.  There isn't a way around it.  So what is there to do with the time that we have here on earth?  Be bitter and angry and resentful and destructive?  Or try to be a source of compassion and warmth for other people?  Try to make the time that we do have on earth the best experience possible?  I still struggle with some of the CPTSD stuff like flashbacks and all of that but am no longer abusive toward others and always make sure to monitor myself in case I see some weak tendencies start slipping out.  It isn't easy.  It is a lot harder to be a mammal than a reptile, and it often times does hurt. At the same time, it is much more rewarding to be a human being.

    mcgee

    Posts : 1
    Join date : 2016-06-27

    Re: Inside the Brain of A Narc

    Post by mcgee on Mon Jun 27, 2016 11:00 pm

    I love your perspective. thanks for sharing!

      Current date/time is Thu Jan 19, 2017 5:53 pm