Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    Abuse by Doing Nothing & the Sword of Damocles

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    rearviewmirror

    Posts : 1
    Join date : 2016-05-21
    Location : South Africa

    Abuse by Doing Nothing & the Sword of Damocles

    Post by rearviewmirror on Sun May 22, 2016 11:55 am

    Hi Richard
    I have been following your YouTube channel for a couple of years now and really appreciate the work that you do. Thank you.
    I saw your vid on Vimeo recently about if its possible to have a relationship with someone who has Complex PTSD and it switched on some lights for me.
    I had a narcissistic parent growing up (emotionally abusive, religious and really neglectful) so could never quite place the abuse I was getting from the ex because it was quite different and he seemed sincere in wanting to get well.
    Long story short, that relationship went up in a spectacular blaze of glory when he had an ugly clash with he's family and that video, specifically, has helped me to understand what I have been dealing with for the last 17 years.

    I would like your input please on the silent treatment / withdrawal of approval & affection type of abuse. I think the ex had a flight/freeze response so at the drop of a hat I would get dead zoned for anything from a day to a year. Its been really tough because alot of the time I ended up being the one loosing my shit with frustration, swearing and throwing things around while he would stand there calm and content. Its not that he was never aggressive, its just his first way of dealing with things was to avoid and numb out, if I pushed, he would get verbally abusive and aggressive. The funny thing was that this would seem a relief to me because it felt like we were getting unstuck somehow. Until the next thing came along (usually he's family) and we were back to square one.
    If it wasn't for my therapist I would have been convinced I was an abusive borderline (thank you too for the info on emotional dis-regulation).

    I realise that my response to this is also because of my own PTSD and triggers around neglect / having no say / being judged without a trial - from my upbringing.
    Your input would be great as there isn't alot of info out there from the perspective of the partner of the sufferer or of abuse by "doing nothing".

    Thank You again!

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