Very well said “ I remain in constant disgust when I hear the psychological tortures they force others to endure. “ I totally agree and feel likewise. It’s often easier for me to feel that outrage when I hear about others being exposed to it, than when it happens to me. Cause when I’m involved I always second guess and think that perhaps it was just me, something I said or that I’m overreacting and I’m not seeing their point of view clearly enough….hahaha…and I don’t actually see their point of view clearly enough. I need to go to Planet Narco and try to relate, and it’s near impossible for me. Lol.
I’m so sorry that the pastor you spoke with didn’t believe you. That’s so horrible…How brave of you to speak with him. It’s so frustrating also that the narcs are so loved by the community, that so many don’t see who they are. My mother is to this day seen as this perfect, kind, humble being. They are such master manipulators. So sorry they labeled you as crazy. I believe you and I think you seem totally sane.
Sorry you also developed an eating disorder. Again, so many similarities here. I became anorexic and got down to insanely low body weight levels, they labeled me as just weak because mentally ill was too "posh" hahahah, but that is what finally led me to get to see my first psychologist. My inner critic lost it's dominance over me and couldn't come up with a good enough reason to prevent me from getting help when I was clearly sick and dying. I am sure I would not have survived without my 25 years in therapy, but on the other hand I’m also very disappointed with the lack of progress I made, and the inability of the mental health community to diagnose me correctly with CPTSD, instead of just depression and anxiety disorders. Or, actually CPTSR, because it is a reaction, not an inherited disorder.
“They drive you to insanity and then use the insanity they create to discredit everything you say about them…” So, totally spot on!!! That is their ultimate goal and winning strategy. I get painted into this tiny little corner every time I try to have anything to do with narcs/sociopaths. And it's not always possible to simply leave. I am suffering right now because the Swedish health care system is narcissistically abusive and it’s just an impossible fight….It’s really dark and scary. It’s a life or death situation with the narcs/cluster Bs.
I can also relate to having to move constantly. I’m so sorry that you also had to endure this. The deep sadness of having to loose the close friends made in early childhood. It’s totally heart breaking. That seems to be one of the popular narc methods to isolate others. I too moved constantly and it’s made it so hard for me to now as an adult, stay in one place. I can still remember myself as a small child, about the age of 5 being in kindergarden and helping to plan this fun party there. And then one of the staff asked me if I knew why they were planning the party, and I didn’t. And she told me it was because I was moving. I was crushed and chocked, and so small. But I still got to go back to the very VIP kitchen area!!! Hahaha! There is that….
And yes, something that to this day baffles me is that I always, always had this deep inner sense that they were wrong about me, and I was NOT in fact over sensitive or weak or stupid or totally wrong about everything. I think it’s possible that the reason I didn’t develop a Cluster B personality disorder growing up in that climate, is that I happened to have this really sweet nanny from age 1-5. She was only a 17 year old girl what came to work for my family to take care of me, but she was actually Ph neutral and treated me with dignity, and sanity. So, I think that’s why I still am able to have a connection with reality and with reason etc. But then on the other hand, it seems like you didn't really have that type of person in your early life, and yet you stayed sane. Perhaps there is some other aspect involved here?
Btw, it’s so refreshing to be able to talk to another person who shares the same understanding and funny language like Zombie Witch Drs and Planet Narco, Hahahhah….Usually I have to spend about 20 minutes trying to explain myself and yet mostly I just get a blank stare from people….
When I read that you too have lost everything, and several times even, I was chocked. I have thought that I was the only one. It’s fascinating to me how totally isolated I’ve become in this situation.
I’m so sad that you have lost everything, and now recently your job, and I’m also chocked at how that might have happened! I am chocked that there are other evil narcs out there doing this to other people. It’s all totally, utterly, deeply, ongoingly chocking and overwhelming. Learning this from you, is like another layer of awakening for me.
Because of my strong inner critic, when it comes to myself, it’s like my own brain still sides with them and says to me that it’s in fact my own bad desicions that made me loose everything, even though I KNOW for SURE that is NOT true. I made the best desicions I could in a totally insane situation, surrounded by totally insane and malignant people. I was fooled, and lied too and manipulated, and stressed, and triggered, and I honestly didn’t have a clue what was going on. I was so uninformed, and naive. But now I know, so now I can protect myself. And knowing that I’m not the only one, totally helps me feel better about the fact that these things happen to good people and it’s not in fact my or our fault (so long as I NEVER let another narc into my life again…) and that perhaps I can rebuild….
And thank you for being so sane and supportive! I have totally not lost the truth. I love that you pointed that out! You are so wise! That has not been taken from me. I have access to mental clarity a lot of the time (so long as I'm not in denial...). So, All is not lost.
I also still do have some level of physical health. I’m able to do some yoga at home. I do have a job now, and I have a roof over my head (airbnb hahaha). So, there is a chance for me. I also have some savings reaccumulated.
And yes, there is actual hope for us, so much more than there is for them “We can mend and heal at core levels and break the horrible generational abuse they allowed to continue.” Super spot on and well said again!!!
Yes, the SpartanLifeCoach and Thrive After Abuse, Leyla Loric, and the information they share, it’s been totally life saving for me also and still to this day it’s the only thing that gives me some peace from the pain, madness and isolation around me.
Many hugs and thanks so much for your support!!!!