Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    Accepting reality and letting go of my parents

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    AngelinaHolyer

    Posts : 1
    Join date : 2016-04-15

    Accepting reality and letting go of my parents

    Post by AngelinaHolyer on Fri Apr 15, 2016 12:45 pm

    Hi Richard

    I have spent hours over the last 6 months studying your clips and also those of Sam Vaknin.
    Initially, it was for the intention of getting over my ex boyfriend, but I have gradually realized that pretty much all of my significant painful relationships have been with Narcissistic types also.  The most painful thing I have learnt is what it is in me that is drawing me to these relationships and that is my father.  My father has always told me that we have a "special bond" and since reading the book "Silently Seduced" by Kenneth Adams, I have come to realize that my relationship with my father has been emotionally incestuous. He is nearly 80 and I still visit him every week to do his laundry/cleaning etc.  And this is despite always feeling uncomfortable and "icky" around him.

    Last week we had a row over what happened in my teenage years where I was emotionally groomed by my fathers business partner when I was 16 which resulted in my running away with this man to live with him, his wife and his children.  I lived with this man (a narcissist) for 5 years looking after his children whilst his wife developed a career, before I developed the wherewithal to run away from him also. During the row my father told me that I need to learn to accept responsibility for the mistakes I made as a child.  He tells me that I cannot blame my mother for my childhood unhappiness when she left my sister and I when I was 4 years old.  He also tells me that I cannot blame my stepmother's cruelty for struggling with my confidence as a teenager and that I cannot blame him for running away with a 40year old married man with no teeth...(true lol)

    He tells me that I am a narcissist for not accepting responsibility for my life choices and I have feared this myself.  However, I feel as if I have only started growing up since going through all this. And that maybe I am going through the childhood narcissistic phase that all kids go through in order to develop a sense of self and gain some healthy confidence.  My question is how do I know for sure? I have watch Good Will Hunting and blubbed like a baby but I'm still scared because I have been self obsessed in the last few years.  I am aware that I have difficulty trusting my intuition/instincts.

    I also have another question.  How do I let go of my father? I sense that I should do, I have not done his cleaning for nearly 2 weeks and he is very angry.  He is demanding to know what is wrong with me.  He says that if I am not going to come back then to send his key back. I just feel stuck and I can't stop crying. He has always been "daddy" even though my flesh creeps every time I am around him. As I write this I sense that I am asking you for confirmation that letting go of my father is the right thing to do.

    I hope this all makes sense.

    Angelina

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