Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Narcissism Support


    Intro and Hello.

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    shivaval

    Posts : 3
    Join date : 2016-04-04
    Location : United States

    Intro and Hello.

    Post by shivaval on Mon Apr 04, 2016 8:42 am

    Hello, all!
    I am now just two months into recovery for lifelong CPTSD. I was raised by a mother with NPD also Dx with BPD. Despite the trauma I endured growing up and later as a scapegoat in my adult life, all I ever really wanted was a close relationship with my mother, no matter the cost to myself, which was not only impossible but unrealistic.

    I now realize this and I suppose that realization was always present on a subconscious level.   I attempted to find the love and caring elsewhere, typically through terribly self-destructive relationships that felt completely and utterly normal to me. It's only been recent that the fog of confusion has lifted somewhat, and a bit of perspective seems possible. I have a very long way to go yet, and it may take the rest of my life.  This is terribly difficult stuff that is tied into other types of trauma as you all probably know. If you're here, I assume you do.

    I feel for all of you who are working through similar things and sharing your stories, too.  It was much easier to just accept the dysfunction because you think everyone is dysfunctional or it's whiney and weak to drudge up the past. Just forge ahead as though nothing was the matter. At least that was my method for most of my life. That never really worked.

    The event that prompted me to actively seek help occured when my mother suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. It has not yet been a year even, so I am still trying to manage the grief combined with feelings of guilt. Sometimes I feel anger and betrayal, and other times I just want my mother, despite our lengthy history.   Basically my personal life is a wreck and I don't know who I can trust.  I experienced a total breakdown that led me searching for answers. I found Spartan Life coach and I am so thankful I did as the videos resonated so much I finally sought the help.


    Also, doing my best to reprogram my mind, intentions, and erroneous beliefs. My clinician uses EFT tapping and affirmations. We're trying to work through the buildup of totally insane things I accepted as my reality.

    That is all for now as I think this is getting a little confusing for anyone reading. I am glad to be here.

    -valerie
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    shivaval

    Posts : 3
    Join date : 2016-04-04
    Location : United States

    Re: Intro and Hello.

    Post by shivaval on Mon Apr 04, 2016 9:07 am

    I think I posted this incorrectly. As to not post as a "reply," I hit new topic. Embarassed
    My apologies...
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    shivaval

    Posts : 3
    Join date : 2016-04-04
    Location : United States

    Re: Intro and Hello.

    Post by shivaval on Thu Jun 16, 2016 7:00 am

    Just an update in the same thread for sharing and documentation purposes. My initial post seems more that a bit overly optimistic and cheerful. I guess I was hopeful.   I don't mean to be a downer and perhaps there is a lot more wrong with me than CPTSD, but I must admit the affirmations and tapping haven't done much.  
    Has anyone else experienced a worsening of emotional flashbacks and depression in therapy?
    I do feel relaxed after hypnosis, which is nice. I have read the recommended books, done the homework given. Maybe it's just me, but I am at a loss. Maybe I picked up narcissistic traits, myself, and that is why it isn't effective for me. I don't know. Experiencing a lot of confusion and a major depressive episode at the least.
     My particular therapist doesn't engage in any form of talk therapy, and I might require some of that as I'm in severe isolation right now and not dealing with it well.

    Anyway.... 5-6 months and now a Rx for an SSRi, which I really don't want, I am going to search for a new practitioner. The videos help more than anything else has so if Richard Grannon reads these posts, thank you so very much.

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    Re: Intro and Hello.

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